More regret, less cowardice...

I have never liked hospitals. Something about them just creeps me out, and I especially don't like to see the people I care about in them, sick and vulnerable. I guess it's a normal dislike, but I haven't ever really been able to overcome it. In high school, my big buddy Cesar was put in the hospital. I wanted to go see him, I really did, but I kept putting it off. The week I finally decided I'd go I found out he was supposed to be released later that week, so I figured I'd just see him when he got home. The day before he was supposed to go home, he died. It was unexpected and I was devastated. I couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral... in fact, I haven't been to a funeral in 12 years. That's right...12 years. The last funeral I went to was for my neighbor, Hugh. I didn't even go to my closest friend's (Juanita) funeral in 2000 or a handful of other people's whom I had been close to. This time is different. I had a good friend starting in high school that continued on to college. I actually thought I might marry him someday, but you know how those things always work out... His dad was a very funny man whom I truly cared about. If I could have picked my in-laws (not that I don't love mine) I would have picked him. He was a deputy sheriff and a wonderful man. He was very accident prone and probably broke every bone in his body at least once (including his neck--twice I think). A few weeks or months ago he got sick. I don't know exactly what happened but my dad told me a couple weeks ago that he hadn't been to work in a while. Then he told me he was in the ICU and he went to visit him with some other deputies after work. I thought to myself, "Man, that sounds pretty bad. I should go visit him and see how he's doing" but since it's not my favorite thing to do, I put it off thinking he would get better and go home and then I would go see him. Well, it didn't happen that way. Saturday morning, he passed away. It was again a big shock and hit me pretty hard... he was young and fun... he wasn't supposed to die... His funeral is tomorrow and I am done living with regrets. I think I'm ready to grow up and face life, so I will be attending the funeral and I will be there for his family if they need anything. He deserves more than my cowardice and I will give that to him. I have faith that he will know how much he meant to me and the impact he had on so many people for the better. This is for you, Keith Alan McDermott.